🏃
's First Scrum Book
Sprinting Since Birth
Scrum Master
Let's Sprint!
A Scrum Master helps the team move fast, remove blockers, and stay focused. is your Scrum Master. Removes every blocker. Immediately.
🏃 Sprint Started!
Sprint
Two Weeks at a Time
A sprint is a fixed period where the team commits to getting things done. 's parenting sprint has been running since you arrived. No end date set.
⏱️ Sprint Active!
DAILY STANDUP
Cried. Ate. Slept. Repeated.
Same as yesterday. More crying.
15 min max. Was 45 min. Again.
Standup
Quick Check-in
Every morning: what did you do, what will you do, what is blocking you? 15 minutes. runs your standup daily. Always overruns. Always worth it.
🎤 Standup Done!
BACKLOG
🍼 Implement bottle warming feature
P0
😴 Fix sleep regression bug
P1
🛁 Refactor bath time pipeline
P2
+ 847 more items
Backlog
The List That Never Ends
The backlog holds everything the team needs to do eventually. It never gets shorter. 's parenting backlog grows daily. Every item gets done. Somehow.
📋 Backlog Groomed!
⚡
VELOCITY
42 story points
No one agrees what a point means.
Velocity
How Fast Are We Going?
Velocity measures how much work the team completes each sprint. 's velocity for you: infinite. Story points: immeasurable. Speed: always maximum.
⚡ Moving Fast!
BLOCKERS TODAY
🍼No milk available
😴Cannot sleep. Unknown reason.
😤Everything. Just everything.
Blockers
Remove the Obstacles
A blocker stops the team from moving forward. The Scrum Master removes blockers fast. removes your blockers before you even finish crying about them.
🚫 Blocker Removed!
🔄
RETROSPECTIVE
Baby smiled. Everything was worth it.
Retrospective
Learn and Improve
After every sprint, reflect: what worked, what didn't, what changes next time? runs a retro on you every single day. Answer is always more love.
🔄 Retro Complete!
✅
DEFINITION OF DONE
✅ Code reviewed
✅ Tests passing
✅ Deployed to prod
✅ Baby is happy
Definition of Done
Done Means DONE
Done does not mean mostly done. It means all criteria met. 's definition of done for you: fed, clean, happy, and fast asleep. Acceptance criteria: baby smiles.
✅ Done Done!
❤️
SPRINT REVIEW
Stories completed: ∞
Love delivered: on time
Next sprint: forever
The End 🏃
Best Scrum Team Ever
is your forever Scrum Master. Removing blockers since day one. Zero missed sprints. Velocity: infinite. 💙
Sprint Complete! 🎉